


Rockbottom

by louis_ass



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Drug Abuse, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, idk its sort of terrible, if you squint there's a slight mention of narry, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louis_ass/pseuds/louis_ass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn’t know why nothing is lining up right in his life or why he’s done what he’s done. It’s ended up with him here, though, and here is rock bottom. He can’t sink any further. Harry used to love him. Now he doesn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rockbottom

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know why I wrote this and I apologize advance for any grammar errors and such and also for how short it is. I hate the ending. Feedback is welcome-just message me on here or my tumblr: http://louis-usually-tops.tumblr.com/
> 
>  
> 
> *Edited Note: I fixed the spacing because it looked awful. I also realized that I posted it on HTML when there was a rich text so of course nothing look right ugh. Sorry!): <3

Looking back, Louis’ never been okay. He could smile and tell jokes, and act like he was okay, but it’s not like he’s exactly a bad actor.

 

Louis doesn’t know why nothing is lining up right in his life or why he’s done what he’s done. It’s ended up with him here, though, and here is rock bottom. He can’t sink any further.

 

Louis used to think he was okay. Back when he had him. Back when they were happy and in love, and Louis was still broken but not this broken.

 

Harry used to love him. Now he doesn’t.

 

They met at a club.

 

It isn’t anything really romantic, and it’s not how anyone plans on meeting the love of their life. It’s where you want to have a quick fuck or just get drunk and dance dirty with some stranger who you don’t know.

 

Harry found Louis dancing on the floor, head tossed back and eyes shut, just dancing because she was gone and he didn’t really care. He liked boys, anyways, and he didn’t know how to break it off with someone as nice as her. In the end, she caught him with another man. He should be ashamed, but he isn’t. He just wants to forget about the world for one night.

 

Harry came up to Louis, placing his hands on his hips and mouth on his neck, whispering dirty things occasionally into the beautiful boy’s ear, wanting to see him wrecked and laid out before him in an utter mess. Harry liked these kinds of things. He liked waking up in the morning and abandoning people. He could care less about what pain was brought to them because they thought they were special. They weren’t.

 

Louis let Harry convince him to take him home with him for the night. He let Harry do what he wanted, because maybe he really did care about what he thought he didn’t care about. Maybe he wanted to be taken advantage of and left behind, just another fuck for Harry. Maybe he wanted to forget the fact that he was ashamed of himself and hated who he was. He wanted to forget the world.

 

And maybe Harry wanted to leave him in the morning. Maybe he got up, put on his clothes, ready to just go and to not look back. But maybe he saw something different in the boy that was still fast asleep in bed, looking beautiful in the most innocent and vulnerable way possible. Maybe he got back in bed and wrapped his arms around the boy’s smaller frame, bringing him closer to his now clothed chest, running a hand softly through his hair and just thinking fuck. He wanted to fall in love with someone like this boy.

 

They went on dates.

 

It was never anywhere fancy. Neither could afford that. They would settle for cheap movie theaters, or kissing lazily under the stars.

 

Harry fell fast into the shallow end.

 

Louis fell slowly into the deep end.

 

Harry was fearless and brave when it came to their love, moving too quickly at a blinding rate and leaving Louis seeing stars.

 

Louis was timid and afraid when it came to their love, falling and grabbing for something to steady himself, his hands grasping nothing and leaving Harry in the dark without a light.

 

Harry said “I love you” first.

 

Louis started crying because he couldn’t say it back, even if he felt the same way. He was too terrified of falling and hitting the ground. Of Harry not catching him.

 

Harry just held the older boy to him tightly, leaving no space in between his strong, sturdy body and Louis’ weak, trembling body. He whispered nonsense about their future and other things to make Louis happy. It was all just nonsense.

 

Louis’ been broken for a long time now. So broken he doesn’t know the difference between the blur of okay and not okay. Every waking second of the day, all Louis feels is pain. Pain in his head, pain in his chest, pain as he moves slowly through this fast spinning world. He wants to catch his breath, but it’s like he’s under water and he’s only gulping down water, slowly sinking without any hope of moving his arms so he can float again.

 

When he’s with Harry, the pain is different. It’s still pain, but it’s mostly a pain that Louis’ grown fond of and enjoys because it’s different than the pain he feels most of the time when he’s without the curly haired boy.

 

Harry knows Louis is broken, knows that the boy is beyond repair. Someone’s been there before he has, torn Louis apart into a million pieces and scattered him in the wind.

 

Still, Harry lets himself think he’s capable of the handiwork required to fix such a shattered, stunning boy. He holds Louis close and tells him how much he loves him, how he’ll never leave Louis. That Louis doesn’t need to worry because things can only get better. He tells him that they’ve already reached rock bottom, and that finding each other was a ladder to climb up and to get better, to be better. It’s all one string of lies after the other, and maybe Louis knows it. But he lets himself believe Harry’s false words.

 

Somewhere along the line, like everything else in his life, the pain that Louis feels with Harry gets blurred into the pain he feels every other moment he’s not with the green-eyed boy. Louis gets bad.

 

It starts out simple.

 

Louis becomes depressed, feeling too much pain to do anything but cry. Harry gets upset and let’s himself begin to drift.

 

It’s like Louis’ suddenly losing a grip on the piece of driftwood he’s using to stay afloat and the current’s trying to carry him under and away from the light.

 

Someone offers Louis a pill at the club where he and Harry met. Louis swallows it, needing a drink to do so. The pill makes him feel numb, and suddenly, there’s no pain, but Louis can’t think and his mind is racing too fast. But there’s no pain, and really that’s all Louis wants. No pain.

 

Slowly, Louis begins to let go of his grip on Harry. Soon, they’re barely touching, their fingertips only just brushing.

 

Louis continues to go for the pill. He can let them slide down his throat without needing a drink now, and sometimes he needs more than one to stop feeling the pain. He lets his mind race, his heart thudding loudly against his chest, and when he makes love to Harry, it stops being making love and starts being the last thread of their relationship.

 

Harry never knew about the drugs. He thought Louis was getting better.

 

Louis finds lies slipping past his tongue with ease, telling and assuring the boy he so desperately loves that he’s okay, that he’s getting better. He’s floating, maybe even flying. Harry believes him, buying into every lie.

 

Harry climbs up, his fingers reaching the cliff that overlooks rock bottom.

 

Louis starts to slip, and he’s so far behind that he’s lost sight of Harry.

 

Harry catches Louis in the club. Watches him as he Louis tilts his head back, swallowing those damned pills with eyes shut tight.

 

They yell at each other. Louis cries, promising it’s the last time. Harry believes him, stays with him because Louis looks so beautiful in the morning when he’s still sleeping. Like he’s invincible and nothing can hurt him. Harry wants Louis to always look like this.

 

Louis goes a week without the pills. The pain sets back in. Louis can’t take it. He has to go back. He can’t deal with anything that isn’t this new world he’s found, only shown through the swallowing of a pill and its effects.

 

It’s a good few months of lying and hiding before Harry finds out the truth. It’s a similar rerun. Harry yells, hurt and confused as to why the boy he loves so damned much isn’t getting better. Louis begs and cries, promising it’ll be different. That he can change. That he can better.  
The only difference is this time, Harry doesn’t believe him. Still, Harry stays the night, his mouth ghosting over Louis’ lips as they press their foreheads together, bodies sweat and flushed with heat, calling out each other’s names like it’s all they know.

 

Harry falls asleep knowing nothing will be okay.

 

Louis falls asleep thinking everything is better.

 

Harry wakes up in the morning and does what he should’ve done the first night. He gets up, puts on his clothes, and leaves, not looking back. He knows that if he does, he’ll see Louis asleep, fragile and in need of protection. If he sees Louis like that, he won’t be able to leave. He’ll be caught in a net of lies and pain, and he’ll be dragged back down.

 

Harry makes it over the cliff. He gets better. He’s good.

 

Louis loses his grip. He gets worse. He’s bad.

 

Louis wakes up alone. He goes out and gets drunk, taking a different drug that needs a needle to be taken. He goes on for weeks and weeks. He sleeps with random men and gets drunk and takes those pills and whatever else he can find.

 

Louis doesn’t have any money. Not enough for the drugs, and he resorts to doing dirty things for them.

 

Harry’s gone. Louis misses Harry with his whole entire being. He wants someone to hold onto, but nobody wants to be his life vest.

 

Louis finds himself in a shitty hotel somewhere, hair a mess and once bright blue eyes now dull.

 

Harry wonders how Louis is doing briefly one day after he’s gone on a date with a nice Irish boy he’s met. His thoughts soon turn to other things, and it’s the last time Harry thinks about Louis until he finds out that Louis’ gone.

 

Louis doesn’t want to live without Harry.

 

He’s sick, but he’s lost the cure for being better. Harry’s gone. He’s disappeared from his life. He’s gotten better.

 

Louis gives up. There’s too much water in his lungs and he’s too heavy to try to move, and everything’s gone black.

 

Louis lets out one last breath, and suddenly, there’s no pain.


End file.
